my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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