Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
