Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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