the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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