dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
