The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
