Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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