Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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