I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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