Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
