think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Less talking, more tequila
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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