i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
