i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
