I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
