So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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