I cannot find my penis.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
