My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She said her name was "party"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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