when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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