you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
