I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
