drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
