I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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