i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
