k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
