drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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