Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
