Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
