she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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