Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
