the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
