Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
