question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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