She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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