God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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