Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
