Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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