I cockslap morals
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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