Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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