i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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