Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
