I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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