He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
