Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
