Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
