i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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