Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
