Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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