don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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