so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
