Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
