Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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