i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
