Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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