so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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