Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
