Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
