Don't you send me to vm
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
