The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
