dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
