hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pants are for mortals
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
