WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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