Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Send help, water and tortillas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
