I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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