I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
