I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
