I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
