I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
