haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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