I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
