I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
